JOKE: Gracie Allen

The following is an excerpt from a 1952 routine.
Gracie (G) welcomes a school principal (M) into her house:

G: (walking around M in shock) Kirk, what have they done to you?

M: I beg your pardon?

G: Are you sure you're Kirk Douglas?

M: Kirk Douglas? Goodness, no. I'm Mortimer Douglas. Mrs. Burns, are you having fun with me?

G: Not as much as I would have if you were Kirk. Sit down anyway and I'll take your hat. So, Mr. Douglas, if you can convince me that you have a good school I may have 3 customers for you.

M: Customers?

G: Well, yes, the three Kelly sisters. They are going to move down here from San Francisco....

M: Well, I'm sure we'll have no problem 'cause our system here is the same as San Francisco. We may grade a little differently.

G: What?

M: Grade. Here it's A-B-C-D-F.

G: Oh, it is different from San Francisco. There it's G-R-A-D-E.

M: Why don't you have them come over with their mother. (D rises from his seat to go)

G: Oh, that chair isn't comfortable? Well, sit in this one (G gets up from her seat and offers it to ( M) That'll be much better. Sit right down there. (They switch seats). Well, continue.

M: Now, where were we?

G: Well, you were sitting here and I was sitting there.

M: I mean what were we talking about?

G: Oh, spelling. And by the way, you have to help the oldest Kelly girl with her spelling.

M: Oh, I'm sure we can help her.

G: Can you help her with geography?

M: Oh, yes.

G: Oh, good. She's never been able to spell it.